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11 Basic Things You Should Know Before You Turn 30.

1. Nothing is Permanent. Everything is Transient. It is the Essence of Life.

This is perhaps the most liberating reality. Remember, no matter how bad, how sad, how difficult, how frustrating your situation currently is – it is fleeting, Keep the Faith. Conversely, no matter how great, how elated, how magical your situation is, know that it is also temporary, Enjoy it Deeper For That Moment.

2. You Are You. Love You. Respect You. 

I am a huge advocate of self-love. Learn to Love yourself, Be Honest with yourself. Make decisions that will make YOU content. When you are at peace with yourself, you will be a much better friend, lover, sister, daughter. You will also be more aware of how you deserve to be treated – and as long as you are not blinded by a false egoism, you will love & respect others deeper.

3. Happiness is….a MYTH!

Of course we all have moments of pure ecstasy – but know this is a state of mind and not something that can be consumed. EVER. Seek instead for PLEASURE – sensual, intellectual, visual, tactile, aural…and Find it in EVERYTHING..rustling leaves, hibiscus flowers, a hot croissant at sunrise on the beach, stolen passionate kisses, a new song you can’t take off repeat, the way he says ‘come here, babydoll” etc

4. There is No Need to Rush.

Learn to be in the moment. Exercise Patience, but not Complacency. That pressure, that urgency to get somewhere, can be counter-productive if you don’t take the time EVERY DAY to be thankful, and realise again, that you are exactly where you should be. Maybe you haven’t fulfilled all your dreams, or you are not at all where you think you “should” be, don’t let that cloud your present. Be mindful & conscious of where you would like your journey to go – but know that Time unfolds at Its will, and Time (or the gods, however you see it) Has a Sense of Humour. Learn to Laugh WITH it. And Learn to Unfold with it. You cannot be anywhere else than NOW&HERE. So don’t rush. Be Present.

5. Everything is Everything

Suffering & Pleasure are just different sides of the same coin, like Night & Day. One cannot exist without the other.  Take any known element of this universe, physical or emotional and try and subtract it from this existence…maybe you chose poverty, maybe you chose greed, maybe you chose Uranium. Know that this is a pointless excercise. I cannot explain this’s a basic concept. just Know it already.  I mean didn’t Lauryn teach you anything?

6. Everyone is Everyone

You do not live in an isolated bubble, no matter how many security cameras guard your palace.

We are so inextricably linked – who made your underwear? how did the lace travel across the sea? who priced it? Who hung it on the hanger at the boutique? Who are you modelling it for tonight?

Be conscious of this moving, breathing, morphing bond between each and everyone of us. Part of that same coin of suffering & pleasure, a complex net of being and nothingness. This is more than mere “economic” ties, these are dreams, and emotions, and desires and fantasies poured into each and every action. Life is Life is Life. A heartbreak in Tehran can cause earthquakes in Reykjavik. Be mindful and concious of your fellow beings, human and non!

7. Drugs are Bad. 


Cigarettes Worse.  Alcohol…

Know that you have One body. Love it! Respect it! Look after yourself! After 30, we ain’t no spring chickens anymore! Moisturise. YOGA. Hydrate. Spinach! Quinoa! Always wear at least factor 30 SPF.

Do what you want, obviously – (i do milkshakes)

8. The Essentials for your Handbag/Purse.

money, keys, phone, credit cards, your business cards, store cards, chewing gum, Kleenex, Band-Aids, Mirror, Pen & Notebook, flat shoes, extra jumper/scarf, lipstick, hair clip…(these are all currently in mine)

9. Relativity is ABSOLUTE.

Human Truths are ALWAYS Relative (subjective). We see the passing of time through our own eyes, backed by our emotions, our needs, our unconcious expectations – my account of yesterday could totally differ to yours, even if we hung out all day. Historical truths are ALWAYS bias and coated in intention by whoever is reciting. Historians seek to find factual stories of the human journey through time, but we forget that everything we learn, everything we read has been written by another mere mortal. Know that escalating “truths’ wrapped in power and money and marketed to the masses as “religion” or “freedom” or “democracy” to give moral justice to “collatoral”, are RELATIVE (subjective) Truths.


10. The Search For TRUTH is futile.

 There is no single “truth”. By our very nature we will never understand our existence. by our very existence we will never truly accept our nature. Human is human is human with all facets all culminating in sex and death. Whether you choose a life of asceticism or extravagance know that there is no right way, only the way you choose for youself. So be mindful in all you do and respectful of what others do. Seek instead for KNOWLEGE to feed your brain, to inspire your heart and to nourish your soul.

11. Prime numbers.



Turning 30 Nowhere.

On the Road…..

I made it.

I am 30 years old.

I finally truly feel like a Woman.

Maybe I am not at the place I always thought I’d be – (financially & relationship-wise)

But I have a reached a place I never even contemplated -spiritually.

Maybe ‘spiritually’ is not the right word – I don’t want to come across all namby-pamby, New Age-y.

The only way I can describe how I feel I am, is Here. I have finally Landed.

There is great well of calm and inner peace, a rooting of my 2 feet to this planet, to this existence.

I have landed within myself.

And myself, my body – the vessel, is finally free.

Don’t get me wrong – the 20s was a wonderful place to be! It is so exciting! it was manic! it was fire! it was heart break and searching and fighting and soaring! It was breaking down barriers, breaking out new ideas. It was living in ghettos and discovering there was a limit to how much alcohol to consume. It was kissing a lot of beautiful beings. It was creating, it was passion. But over all there was this general sense of urgency in me. There was this rush, that was powerful, but at its roots, it was scattered. A Scattered Manic Rush to Live Life Fully.

And now, now that I have landed, and found my center, my roots, my well – I realise there is no rush. There is no urgency. Nothing is Permanent – nor should it be, that is the essence of life – and I have found Love.

This is not to say the Fireball within me, that I have always been known for, has been extinguished – oh no, no. That power, that force of life has merely just been given a direction, a focus.


be my 2nd valentine?

fight for my heart

i want them to duel

but only because i want HIM to bare his soul

but HE won’t

HIS ego forces HIM to retract further away from me

so there is no duel

therefore leaving him as the clear winner

because he is not afraid

he has bared his soul to me

and has shown his dedication to fight for me

he really is a man


HE is just a silly boy

how then does HE manage to keep HIS throne in my mind

even though HE  does not have any of the qualities i need or want in a partner?

All i truly want is for HIM to show it

to bare it

to fall to HIS knees and tell me how HE feels

because i know HE does

maybe it’s because HE knows that when HE does

when HE satisfies that simple need of mine

that I won’t stay with HIM beyond that declaration much longer

HE won’t fight for me

and that’s what drives me mad

the worst part of it

is that he then suffers the brunt of it

my stupid heart hurting the man who truly deserves my whole heart soul and body in its purity

and he is still here for me

so my heart hurts because i have hurt him

and my heart hurts because i know i will continue to

unless i manage to wash HIM out

but How?


my first love song…

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”Rumi.

I want somebody to share, share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts, know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side and give me support
And in return she’ll get my support

She will listen to me when I want to speak
About the world we live in and life in general

Though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out, and won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking in fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all she will understand me

I want somebody who cares for me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things in a different light
All the things I detest I will almost like

I don’t want to be tied to anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of those things
But when I’m asleep I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me, kiss me tenderly

Though things like this make me sick
In a case like this I’ll get away with it

Original written by Depeche Mode

I first heard this song when i was 14 years old.

I listened to it on repeat, I thought it was perfect.

That was the love i was looking for.

It’s the only kind of love worth holding on for.

I hope you find it for yourself one day.

It is magical.

I almost called him Adam…

Adam & Eve. Orginal Love.

he stood facing me

loofah in one hand, soap in the other

the stream of water flowing down from above us blurred my vision

the steam rising between us, carried me away

This was the Origin

This was Purity

Our stark cubical was suddenly the Lush Promised Land

nourished by a cascading waterfall

He was the Only Man gazing at me,  the Only Woman

There was Only LOVE.

I reached out my hand to Him

My lips parted.. “A..”

But I quickly Woke Up. We were just 2 mortals in a shower in downtown Miami.

And his Mortal Name is certainly NOT Adam.

So I Kissed Him instead (how else could I explain myself!)

This must be LOVE.




Rich boys are not ideal HUSBAND material – part ii

They are about to debate whether "morality" exists or is merely a social construct, right?

So earlier this week I wrote a piece that was very much swayed by my emotions and did not reflect or demonstrate my point.

But honestly, I am of the opinion that rich boys do not make good husbands.

Rich boys, who come from wealthy backgrounds, have a deeply engrained sense of worth and the idea that they ‘deserve’ only the best.  This begins from an early age. They are lauded with praise, rarely want for much, and quickly a superiority complex develops. Now, add a certain degree of good looks, material abundance, good education whilst constantly being told they are la creme de la creme of the British Education System  – and you can just imagine the self-assuredness that stems from that. The ease of life and air of confidence it brings, enables this boy to waltz thru life and a positive impact on the ego is compounded in each sphere…

Imagine the ego, engorged, pumping,

This is a very attractive thing, a buzzing ego attracts people, friends, lovers –  like moths to light – people love being around this energy. It is not a bad thing – but this only reinforces the Superiority Complex, and boosts confidence further..

Again this is not a bad thing.

But anyone with any sense of being & nothingness, and basic understanding of psychology should know that too much ego is really NOT a good thing.

It creates a bubble, a kind of moat, if you will. The ego separates the person from the sphere of emotions and empathy. This is not to say they will necessarily be cold-hearted, but there will definitely be a distance and a void which creates an inability to connect fully, spiritually and mentally with anyone. There will always be a sense of dissatisfaction and entitlement.

While Bret Easton Ellis took this rich boy phenomena to the extreme, there is a Pat Bateman in everyman which is exaggerated in a positive correlation with wealth, looks and success.

Yes, maybe they will be able to buy you your dream cars, put you up in a large house with maids and drivers, dress you up in Versace and Chanel, you will get to travel to all the best hotels in the world and walk arm in arm with this great guy in front of the whole world. And you will definitely have a sense of achievement and pride.

But if you see through all this frivolous material twinkle and want a relationship that runs a little deeper…well, i dont know if you’ll find it with this guy.

I am not talking about guys who have made it on their own, i am talking about guys who were born made. This is an important distinction. A self-made man has usually had to struggle and learned how to put himself on the line for the things he believes in. Whereas a guy born into wealth has never had to struggle, has never felt the desperation or need to work hard for anything, neither money, nor cars, nor girls. All things fall into his lap.

This is not to say rich guys are lazy. No. They do work hard (some of them) they hold down good jobs, run successful businesses – their wealth is their identity and they cannot lose that. But when it comes to love and romance, well from everything I have seen, everything I have heard – if you’re an intelligent, sensitive, philosophical girl who knows that happiness is not relative to the size of a rock shining on your finger – then this is just not the type of guy you should go for.

I suppose this post is written mainly with my mother in mind. She seems to think a girl’s intelligence is proved by how rich her husband is. And doesn’t hesitate to tell me, on a daily basis, how I have failed miserably.

A rich guy looks for a “wife” in a woman and not a “friend”. She must be beautiful, well-kempt, appreciate the finer things in life, not question him too much and make him feel like he is king, all the time -to reinforce the inflated ego. He rarely believes in magic. Sex is a commodity – he will always have lovers,strippers, erotic massages. These are all OK to men of this calibre, they are entitled to it, and they are not hurting anybody.

Smart girls who consciously go for this kind of guy, know all of this already, and they don’t care. They are only after one thing. It’s an unspoken agreement – girl looks hot, makes babies, manages the house, keeps up the appearances; man makes money, looks good and keeps girl looking good by buying her necessary jewellery etc. There is no need to go deeper, because there is nothing deeper.

And maybe thats OK, if that’s truly what you want. If you are just looking for that kind of textbook union.

But me? I need MORE from my partner

i want a man who is not afraid to step outside his comfort zone, who sees the absurdity of existence, who knows money isn’t the answer to anything, who has a spiritual connection with himself – and not just some prescribed- socially-accepted notion of a religion. I also need a man with ego. Ego IS important. You need to have a certain level of self-belief & self-worth for a healthy balanced relationship. But this is another discussion.

My point is, rich boys do not make ideal husbands – unless you are a self-centered, materialistic person and dont care about delving into big existential questions: eg. origin (where all this comes from), meaning (what it all means), morality (where evil comes from), and destiny (what happens after death). Inflated egos don’t allow for such philosophical meanderings. Why would they? A new G5 Jet answers all these questions quite nicely, wouldn’t you agree?

Love Letters I

So, way back in the beginning, she wrote this to him:
it’s funny when you write my name
as i don’t think i’ve heard you utter it
so i have no idea how it would sound like
coming from your lips
which i must confess
on close inspection
are quite kissable
and i
being quite the ego-maniac
and totally self aware of this infliction
don’t really mind
in fact might even encourage
hearing all about your desires
because desires
are very strange phenomena
and are probably
most likely based
on things far removed from
and as a result can manifest in many ways
sometimes frightful
human human humour or humor since you happen to be born in america
funny thing
i’ll shut up now n go to sleep
today listening to this album mostly

hope you had a nice day! and that you had a milkshake & a side of fries.
he responded with this. it made her heart beat loud.
It is quite funny
I don’t recall ever hearing mine either
coming from your lips
those lips…
are a strange phenomena indeed.
“the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state”

you see,
I’m cerebral
I like, 
to understand
to experience 
to know what it feels like
because as humans, all we are
are the sum of our experiences
for me to not know
is to be in an unsatisfied state
we know each other
do we?
know each other?
I mean…
I’m aware of you,
you’re aware of me,
we know
each other
it’s documented
there was that day,
you went to a place, that you normally didn’t
I went to a place, that I normally didn’t
and we ended up there together
I looked at you,
you looked at me
and then we became aware
we spent an hour together
dub reggae
moving too fast
on a road we normally wouldn’t be on
fate caught up to us, then we said goodbye.
I have the idea of you,
the theory of you…
I don’t actually
know you…
my lack of knowledge leaves me unsatisfied
I desire
to understand
to experience
to know how it feels
to know
“Desire is a sense of longing for a person or object or hoping for an outcome.”
my day today was dub reggae, driving too fast, and the desire of your company
how was yours?
jam of the day:
“I rode through a valley with the princess by my side”